guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
