So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
