sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
