Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
