I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
