i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
