I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
