I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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