Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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