Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
