Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
