I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
