Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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