grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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