I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
