Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
