There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
