just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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