i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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