ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
