Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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