Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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