Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
