Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my shit smells like andre
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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