Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
