i need an iv and a liver transplant
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
