Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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