I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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