david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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