got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
