But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
