no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
