Just fell off a train. Bad.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Rumble strips road head = magical
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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