I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
