this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
