I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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