kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
