Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
