i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
