Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
