i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
