So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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