just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
