I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
