I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
