She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
