i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
