Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
