You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
