So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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