I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
