you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
