I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
