when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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