You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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