We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
