someone get that fucking seahorse.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
