I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
