so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
