i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
