I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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