I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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