if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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